good grief... think very long, then realise that how i play certain situation is like my dad.
so in the army, lots of crappy recruit. fake illness. mc. so what my dad do? he prefer his ricebowl then to sympathise with this ppl. k.
-he let you talk about how grave ur illness is
-till you reach the max of ur "story"
-then he shoot you down.

so give analogy. got a eagle... on the ground, see you, fly away from you. you want to shoot it down, but you can only shoot the wing. so what you do? let the eagle fly high, then shoot it, let it fall to its death... the impact is harder....

get it.... wait longer to give more impact. and give fake shots, to make it fly higher. so it drop much more.

in other families, they inflict physical hurt, canning and stuff. but my dad prefer emotional wounds, hurt you mentally.... so growing up like that.... a bit the numb to many things.... it can really explain why sometimes ppl say i very bad... i don't feel anything

for some weird reason, today talked to yan ru with regards to funeral.... it is an event when a person dies. so faternal side got nothing much... maternal side got probs liao... big prob... and the worst thing is... my mum gets all the blame. when grandma is hospitalised... what they say :"aih yar, got my mum there look after, don't care lah" then if pass away leh :" why u nvr take care? huh? {all the blames} "

will my dad do anything? dunno. he can't say much.... will i say anything? most probably yes. if on the spot. why? got this "ghim moh spirit" then, consider RESPECT. as someone of a younger generation, should respect elders.... fuck this traditional rule. you are pushing ur blame to my mum, do i have to respect you anymore? NO! so don't fuckingly bother to talk abt respect.

"ghim moh spirit" the attitude that keeps my faternal side family going. sadly, their lives was in malaysia... chaos, so... anyone who insult them, gets it back too. an eye for an eye. and this thing, had been passed on to me, not on purpose.... but by accidents..... many accidents.

bio lessons.... ms tan give me the impression, that she has an impression that i'm a blur person. err... good? errr.... GOOD! haha. now got joke liao. why take bio? it still comes down to mr JOHN YEO that special line... "it is about SEX" ... haha, and really, serious. bio taught me how to kill ppl by stabbing where and where...

news says that japan got needle-less injections. shiok. then got a restaurant, that monitor ur expression, when they serve you the same food, but with a different colouring... i should go lor... then most results will vary for diff colour... i doubt mine will even change. it will be the same. i mix food, beyond recognisation and i have no problem eating them, as long as i know what food i'm eating/ mixing

what guys said aft 080808 happeing:
so yan ru asked this question: "wah so bad ah... like totally ignore each other " then how should i reply..... dunno.... yar.... then what u expect me to do? is there a need for me to make any responses? no rite.... good grief. just count ur prayers, i don't do other things that will have not that good effects.... i am still controlling myself.... my instinct tells me to go bitch slap that person, my brain tells me that is no point, my logic tells me not to, my common sense tells me to stay there and not do anything. it is inappropriate to "feel" this situation

then at bus interchange, ern said "not worth" or something like that. [ sumarising ur sentences is not an insult ] yar... quite true.... this whole thing is really not worth. i know it... i can tell it.... but what can i say.... seriously, there is nothing i could say. that is the few times when i have consideration for others k... or else, save it for later.

let see... if u want to write abt the bad points abt me... take a lifetime. {i believe puvan would gladly say YES} what my mum said before: " nxt time must find someone who can stand and tolerate your those many many crazy things you do"

-eating habits
-jokes of all kind, sick clean, politic, normal basically, humour. [although it is a little more bad then usual]
-when i am down. [really upset, haven't met a very sad occasion yet, not including funerals...]
-when i am very cold, cruel, heartless, no consideration....

these points combine together... acceptance that this is me k?
if anyone can stand all these four points, i call you pro.

lets say... you got one life only, if you don't play with ur food now, when are u going to play with ur food. same apply to the rest. i can hide it, control it, but very tiring leh. very fake.... even at home also need to act, then no point liao le. what i cook, i eat myself... egg with sugar, milo-ed fish porridge..... and many more... i lost count.

current home- what i do not hide:
-eating habits [ but got limit, cannot go crazy ]
-humour [only the sick jokes ]
-when i am have no consideration.... [certain limit]

i nvr tried -totally no consideration. i don't want to see how bad i could get, but leh, i predict it can get rather bad. my dad also jokes about my "inconsideration to others"

sis get this award in sch : i-care [which is i care for my friends...]
then you ah, confirm get "i-don't-care"

talking about joking, my dad could sometimes go slightly more bad then normal.


porn-talk:
2day in sch, got performance on porn addiction.... good grief... very funny. then benjamin very kiam pa. deon claims he got till stage 20: set up own porn company

so... cherp had said:" u show it much more then i do" i can openly talk abt it, without feeling shameful. why, got prob mah.... it is a topic mah... discuss with ur brain, THINK abt it, don't FEEL it, cuz u will be disgusted.

everyone is born, the same, it is the exposure that makes a difference. my exposure to certain things, are rated: [ should be avoided ] in the parenting books.... and why the hell i'm reading this book? hey, my parents gave me access to this kind of stuff. so wat u want me to do. parent-ing myself.... good grief.