christmas


mas selamat - mat alamak



detail of mat alamak


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = You better select the option I’ve already chosen.
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.
"We need to talk" = You did something wrong.
"Sure, go ahead" = You go ahead, you die.
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"You're so macho" = Can you please go and shave and shower?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = My thighs are flabby.
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.
“Can’t we just be friends?” = There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine again.
“I just need some space” = Without you in it.
“We’re moving too quickly” = I want to find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend first.
"Do you love me?" = I want something expensive.
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me.
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” = I can’t believe you have nothing planned!
“Sure, chicken rice is okay.” = You cheapo slob!
"I said, nothing’s wrong, okay?" = It's that time of the month.
"Are you listening to me!?" = Too late, you're dead.

UNDERSTANDING MEN
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired" = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Shall we dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"What's wrong?" = Why are you making such a big deal about this small-small thing?
"What's wrong?" = What self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = Wah lau, tonight sure got no sex oreddy.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = You cut your hair?
"Let's talk." = Maybe if I show you I am deep and sensitive, you'll have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. (while shopping)
"I like that one better." = Wah lau, pick any freakin' dress and let's hurry up, go home, can or not?!
"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go very well together." = I am gay.


NO OFFENCE MAN

Sing this with us, boys and girls!
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me'
Cos it's all the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.